Turns out I’m a big meanie because I won’t open my so-called liberal heart to loving bipartisan accord with Sally Kern and her anti-gay Christian Taliban brigade (see, I just did it again!).
So I was thinking, what mean things could I do, now that my cover is blown?
How about we distribute the stimulus money, jobs and programs based on how the congressional deleations voted. Ha ha! Imagine the squawks from Inhofe on the Senate floor when that was announced. And Coburn would say “No, no, no! Can I put a hold on that?” The Oklahoman would write a sarcastic editorial about how liberals hate America (okay, they don’t really need to write it, just pull it out of the file), but point out that Carrie Underwood is from Oklahoma, and we should all be so proud.
Speaking of the Gaylord’s personal media projects, I would force them to rename their school to “Gaylord College of Propaganda and Mass Deception.”
Wal-Mart would have to unionize all their employees, and give every woman customer free birth control.
The NRA would have to hold their meetings in the most crime prone area in the chapter’s region.
Jeez, having a black heart is fun. Imagine what I could do if I had actual power or an official platform of some kind, like, oh, I dunno, state representative. I could really make people I don’t like suffer and I wouldn’t even need a rational excuse.